The Salvo

May 29, 1962




            Note: The following is a description of SALVO as seen through the eyes of its editor


            The above is a picture of Mr. Simmons and certain illustrious members of the SALVO staff.  It was taken during fifth period. This is the sort of scene one will often see if passing room 205 between 2:30 and 3:35 p.m…..that is, if Mr. Simmons happens to be in the room (which is rare)!


            However, all in SALVO is not play.  Some work must be done or the student body would not be greeted with this delightful piece of newsprint once every two weeks….well, approximately every two weeks.  However again, since the purpose of this article is not to paint a glowing picture of the martyrs in room 205, but rather to expose the workings of that group (actually, just to get their names in the paper), the “play” instead of the “work” shall be dwelled upon.


“Young Love”


            Let us take a typical day in SALVO.  It is one minute until the late bell will ring.  Corky Hilton and Deidra Davis are standing about one inch apart, murmuring sweet nothings to each other outside the door.  Sharon Maggio and George Williams are likewise standing outside the door, but they are just gazing blankly into each other’s eyes.


            As the bell rings, Sharon and Deidra break into action and dash into the room.  The “delightful” sponsor hollers, “Salvo staff, be seated!”  The staff….or the part of it, rather, that is on time….slowly amble to desks.  Mr. Simmons raps on the side of his desk with his familiar yardstick still screaming, “’Salvo staff, be seated!’”


            At this point, latecomers begin to meander in.  Mr. Simmons still pounding, yells at them to go get a pass.  They ignore him.  He gives up.


Blank Passes


John Feaganes checks the roll while Mr. Simmons (who has given up making noise) signs about ten blank passes.  Bonnie Weaver and Cynthia Weyland grab a pass and disappear for the remainder of the period.  They are, most likely, wandering the halls. 


At this point, several outbursts occur.  Jane Brownlow is throwing a temper tantrum at Tom Carpenter because, she thinks, he hasn’t done something he was supposed to do.  No one ever finds out whether he did or not, because Jane has grabbed Ann Eliel and a pass and has departed to walk around the tract for an hour to help Ann lose weight.  Tom simply remains quietly sitting where he was.  He isn’t bothered in the least.


Fight Fight Fight!


David Bush and Kassy Benson are also fighting, probably over some small remark Kassy has made which offends David.  In disgust, she and Christie Jensen set out for the girls’ room.  David settles himself to write one of his “prize” editorials.


Mr. Simmons is verbally blasting Gary Harrold for little, or no reason.  No one ever knows why, particularly Gary who tries his best to please everyone, even Mr. Simmons.  (Gary is the SALVO scapegoat).  Mr. Simmons stomps out of the room to go to the lounge for a ….well, yes.


Everyone in SALVO fights.


Miss Mergler comes across the hall and asks the remnants of the staff if they could please be quiet.  The quiet lasts for five minutes (with luck) until Carol Baum discovers that Mr. Simmons has botched up the Cohen’s ad.  She loses her temper and calls him all sorts of names….unfortunately, he is still in the lounge.  Greg Ewell goes tearing out to his car and down to Cohen’s to straighten everything out.  He will barely make it back by the end of the period, but seventh period faces him if he doesn’t.


One of the editors begins to yell at Jim Black (everyone in SALVO yells) accusing him of not taking a certain picture.  Jim helplessly tries to explain that Jack Brown was to take that picture, or more likely, no one told him to take it in the first place.  He finally gives up and leaves the room.


No one in SALVO ever takes the blame for anything.


Finally, Lloyd Ator, the one really stable member of the staff, also leaves the room to get some art supplies.  When he returns, he finds Kassy with a complete head of “ratted” hair.  Christie is combing it out.  Lloyd makes some typically “Lloyd” remark and leaves again.


Staff members begin to return to the room after the ten-minute bell has rung.  At 3:32 p.m. Mr. Simmons very dramatically calls the roll. This is insurance that none of his “little darlings” has slipped out.


When the bell rings, he bellows, “When you are quiet….” Which is followed by much noise and commotion from the members of the staff.  On a count of three, they all dash for the door, but he beats them to it.  With his back firmly against the closed door, he hollers, “be seated!”  Just then Mike Mcshane opens the door from the outside, completely confusing Mr. Simmons.


As everyone dashes out the door, Mr. Simmons makes a sweeping gesture with his arm and says magnanimously, “You may go!” (Of course, everyone is already gone)


And so the curtain falls on the hard-working 1961-62 SALVO staff.


back to 2006Celebration page